i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
