Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
