He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
