Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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