i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Drunk is not a location!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
