Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
