Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
