Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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