Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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