my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
