she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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