dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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