my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
