i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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