It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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