Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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