his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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