Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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