oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How external is "for external use only"?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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