Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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