"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
