she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
