so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Tornado booty call.. dedication
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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