Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize