As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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