I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
