I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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