What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
