it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
