Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
