Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
