That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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