I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize