It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
