White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
