Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
