The best revenge is premature balding
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
