the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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