well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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