I just threw up on my dentist
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
