Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
