you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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