just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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