I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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