yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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