Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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