the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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