his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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