I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize