I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
