i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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