I got chris browned last night
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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