Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
