okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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