we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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