he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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