grandma shit on top of the toilet
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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