Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
