I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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