I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
