i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
