just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
