five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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