Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
