her vagine was all disorganized.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
