I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
