I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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