Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
