Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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