So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
